Pink Bear and Red Volkswagen presage soapy beard


Tiger with soap beard

Will Nazy and (especially) Dan, get back to Anchorage before ALL the restaurants (and room service) closes? What did Nazy think of Chateau Coke? And did she really drink wine with a straw? Are there any animals in Alaska that are bigger than 4 pixels? Why did Dan rent a turbo charged, red, convertible at LAX? Does he still get ‘cool points’ if it was a beetle? Why did Azelle think that Dan could ‘not read that book very good’?Did Tiger really grow a beard? And, finally, how did the Taliban take over Texas so quickly? Read More...
Comments

Tiger talks planets and (orange) tin foil on Thanksgiving


Thanksgiving table 2020

What will Nazy do for the first time since we returned to the USA from Switzerland? And what didn’t happen this Thanksgiving that ‘always’ happens on Thanksgiving? Did Dan’s decision to insure his iPhone against damage turn out well? Would the answer be the same if he hadn’t removed the glass screen protector? How about if he hadn’t given the iPhone to his six year old grandson after he removed the screen protector? How much territory does a Red Tail shark need? Who gave a Zoom talk about astronomy?
Read More...
Comments

June-uary Birthday marbles dance with hatted crayons

dan and nazy at Tiger's birthday party


Why didn’t it feel like summer had begun on the West Coast? (Hint: it’s called ‘June-uary’ in Washington State and ‘June Gloom’ in Santa Barbara.) Is it easier to fall asleep in a high chair or in an economy class seat on a trip to the Far East? What is the best way to get from Santa Barbara, California to Bellingham, Washington. And, if that’s too hard: Is there a safe way to get from Santa Barbara to Bellingham? Who just happens to have five
crayon costumes? Did Nazy complete both The Family Tree and The greatest marble run? Read More...
Comments

Vacuum seals vie with mentos, cola and red tail hawks

Tiger reading mitra email on chair

Why would Nazy ask (gasp!) Dan for help cooking Persian rice? And why did Dan’s suggestion — a suggestion that involved using the freezer — turn out to be appropriate? How can a substitute kindergarten science teacher spice up science class? Hint: think Diet Coke and Mentos. What apocalyptic event caused The Martin Family to discard an unused roll of precious toilet paper? How much do Nazy’s eye drops cost — without insurance? Who reads upside down? And who is learning to stand up? Read More...
Comments

white belted advent calendar tumbles into cardboard furnace


Arrow at mesa cafe

Can Azelle open the tiny doors on The Martin Family advent calendar? More specifically, can she do it without destroying anything?) Why do we hide the ladders? How do Tiger and Arrow handle the martial art class? Hint: they got belts. What kind of craftsman would install a cardboard ‘door’ to the furnace room? (And outside door?)



Read More...
Comments

Reproachful Fumigated Fish Dance with Zombies at MOXI

dan and nazy prince and princess of Malaysia


Will Halloween ever end? (Or, more to the point, will Dan finish recounting Halloween stories before Thanksgiving?) Who went to see Lady Gaga? How does Dan look as he jumps, in slow motion, holding Tiger and Arrow. Note: He was happy that slow motion helped him pad the ‘hang time’. How did wind and termites create challenges for tents? Why does Dan’s Angelfish scowl at him reproachfully?
Read More...
Comments

musical beds and sleepless kids drive and putt costly parking ticket

The Tiger jammies August 2019 with Naz


Can Tiger handle a putter? How about a driver? Tennis Racket? Can he drive Dan crazy by making a racket? If you see a parking warden heading your way … while you’re parked in a red zone, is it wise to drive off? More to the point, what should you do before you drive off? And how did the State of California figure it out? How did the High School reunion go? When was the last time you played musical beds with three children? And do you have Tiger PJs?
Read More...
Comments

Post-Grad dances and bubbles with circus, legos and Mitra


Mitra and boys slush july 2 2019

Who graduated — but wasn’t able to find a paying gig? And who was the youngest student to land a post-grad appointment? What does ‘Stop Ahead’ mean? Would it mean the same thing if you were five years old? What job requires both bravery and stupidity? Hint: It’s not Congress, that only need one of those attributes — a massive amount of said attribute, but nevertheless only one of them. Where can you get a semi-automatic bubble-generating machine? Finally, who makes the best lemon slush? Read More...
Comments

Chuck’s Cheesy Tales of Oregon Whale Tails


All the Adams and dan and naz June 2019

What’s the best thing to do after a ten day swing through the East Coast? More to the point: Would you choose Chuck E. Cheese and dueling drives to LAX? What keeps the Moon up in the sky? Hint: “It can’t be gravity, Dan, because that pulls things down!” Will the family whale watching tour deliver Whale Tails or Whale Tales? Who wants his Mommy? (Now!!). Read More...
Comments

Nike Haircut (just undo it) & Einstein’s pomegranate orange juice

Melika and Arrow Sept 2018


Will Arrow still have his strength if someone cuts his hair? Who will inherit his curly locks? If the Blue Precipitate is Blue (didn’t you love High School Chemistry Lab), the Red River is Red, the Yellow Submarine Yellow, then why did Tiger refuse to answer when asked about the color of orange juice. (Orange juice, by the way, that he had squeezed from Mitra’s special blood oranges.) What is capable of moving faster than the speed of light? Where, at the farmers market, would you look for something that begins with the letter “M”. Why would you be at the market?

Read More...
Comments

pregnant hummingbird bests seagull in WiFi root canal move


Tiger and Arrow August 2018

What ‘feels’ longer — Melika’s pregnancy or Nazy and Dan’s house move? Is there anything Dan likes less than a root canal? Should we put sundry and knick-knacks in the same closet as miscellaneous and various? Will the WiFi ever work? (Will insulting the technician speed things up?) Are hummingbirds the appropriate response when seagulls (or crows) mistake your mailbox for an outhouse? Read More...
Comments

tiger helps rocking horse (2nd) birthday with rabbit cake

naz mel, the boys 2nd bd arrow


Will the big, bold, beautiful behemoth of a unused rocking horse survive the forthcoming Martin Family move? How did Arrow and Tiger conspire to tip the decision-making scales? How did Nazy react? (Hint: Does the phrase ‘I told you so’ spring to mind?) Why is Tiger happy to have his little brother join him at pre-school? And why is Arrow happy that his big brother is with him at school? What do rabbits have to do with a two year old’s birthday? Will Tiger, willing to help blow out the candles, dance at Arrow’s birthday? And, finally, what calamity befell Dan during exercise class? Read More...
Comments

fireworks and clowns, circus and congress, boxes and helicopters


Nazy with the boys July 2018

Who turned off Santa Barbara’s natural and environmentally friendly air conditioner: the Pacific Ocean breeze? What is a ‘sundowner’? (Hint: It’s not cool.) Where did the circus find the loaner clowns? Who thinks that July 4th fireworks look like airplanes? Can The Martin Family use a helicopter to assist its move toward the ocean? What algorithm is used to put Dan on so many inappropriate postal mailing lists? (Hint: Dan is not interested in going to college.) How did Arrow and Tiger welcome Nazy’s return to Santa Barbara? Read More...
Comments

baby girl revealed at introspective solstice festival and birthday


arrow running June 2018 at Nirvana

How did Melika and Tom reveal the gender of their coming baby — arrival planned for mid August? Did you attend the Tomchela music and arts festival where someone tried to get NASA to spray paint the Moon with one of two colors? What happens at a pre-school graduation ceremony? Why was Tiger’s presence mandatory? What triggered Tiger’s introspective moment? And how did a turtle fountain fix the issue? What’s a HiNote Ultra and why did Dan uncover a case for it? Is a house close to the ocean more susceptible to a meteor strike? Read More...
Comments

Seaplanes float, anglers outdone by orcas in red light museums

Happy tiger in the airplane

Can Alaska Airlines handle three (3!) passengers named Thomas Reagan Adams on the same flight? Can one of the Toms catch a King Salmon in the Tongass Narrows? (Hint: Will they be just as happy with a halibut?) Will Tiger — full name Thomas Reagan Adams IV — enjoy flying on a seaplane? Are the Misty Fjords fogged in? Will the group spot Orcas (who appear to really like Salmon), humpback whales and Bald Eagles in Ketchikan? Can Dan find a ‘fun’ museum appropriate for a 4 year old. (Hint: Don’t go to Dolly’s House.)
Read More...
Comments

chalk perfection always wins as AT&T mixes cement in matchboxes


Tiger and family at his birthday

Can Tiger replicate the world class chalk artwork at the Santa Barbara Mission — on our driveway? Okay, the question was too easy: Can he do it with Nazy’s help? Who needs to win every game? Why did Tiger's 4th birthday cake have the number 20 on the icing? (And why did it have five candles?) What toy replaces a little boy’s matchbox car? (And how big is the replacement?) Hint: we’re going to have to move soon.) Will Dan give up on ATT Direct Now and slink back to Cox Cable? Read More...
Comments

Tiger measures Alphabetical Wurlitzer sliding cardboard


Peace Bro (Dan)

What does Tiger want to measure with his ‘measurer’? Hint: if it has dimensions, Tiger wants to measure it. Does Arrow find anything more interesting than the bubbling Wurlitzer jukebox? (Can anyone find anything more interesting that said jukebox?) How do Tiger and Arrow compare (style-wise) on their grass boards? (Think snowboard on grassy, short hills.) Who’s first two word phrase is “EXIT sign”. What is the image on the World’s Most Difficult Jigsaw puzzle?
Read More...
Comments

clueless swim teacher focus: fact free parrot menagerie


nazy, boys and parrot


Has Tiger become the master of conversational repartee? Why did he tell Arrow to focus? (And did 1 year old Arrow comprehend the nature and importance of the request?) How did Tiger characterize the performance of the substitute swimming teacher? (And how did it compare with the substitute’s analysis of Tiger?) Who has learned all of the letters of the alphabet — thereby becoming the newest abecedarian in the family? Where can you find ‘bad boy’ cockatiels? (And why are they in the penalty box?) Where is the best place to employ a bricklaying butterfly?
Read More...
Comments

Bicycling ocean tides deposit crowds at local zoo


nazy and arrow on train at zoo April 2018

Can Tiger master a (Pedal-less) two-wheeler? Can Nazy befuddle, bewilder and bedazzle a feckless parking lot attendant who is convinced that his parking lot is ‘FULL’? More accurately: How did Nazy find a parking spot? When is it safe for a husband to complain about the old saying: What goes up must come down? Or, in this case: he who walks down must eventually climb up. Have you ever turned your back on the ocean? Read More...
Comments

Get me out — poking dentist, jabbing doctor, punctured tire


Darius entertaining Leandra April 2018

Who scheduled a day featuring medical personnel poking and jabbing? Why was the process contagious? Who knew that Volvo cars could contract medical conditions from the driver? Ever had nightmares when you were little? Did they go away when you grew up? (Hint: consider the results of the last presidential election before answering.) How do you treat a grandson’s high fever? And, will Tiger and Arrow cooperate as to finish the puzzle? Will juggling keep the lovely Leandra happy?







Read More...
Comments

Spring trees wearing bandaids tie traditions in knots

Mel and tiger and bunnies April 2018


Your grandson asks: Why does that tree have a bandaid? Do you explain tree grafts? Do you pretend that he’s speaking into the ‘bad’ ear? Do you say: “Yes, that tree has a boo boo.”? Were you afraid of the Easter Bunny when you were 1 (and a half) years old? Were you still afraid even it was your Daddy inside the costume? Can Dan master streaming TV? And what will Tiger do as he begins collecting royalties on his likeness?
Read More...
Comments

hatching doves make (long) new year flight to urban farm


tiger and nazy at the farm March 2018

If you’re a newly hatched dove, is it smarter to fly and roost on a rainy roof, or huddle on the dry front stoop sheltered from the rain? How did Nazy help this fledging make the right choice? How much is Dan willing to pay for the traditional gold fish needed to celebrate Persian New Year and the Vernal equinox? Would a Betta be better? (It would certainly be more alliterative.) What is Urban Agriculture? Why were the Tires on the Urban Tractor taking a nap? Who chose the travel agent that booked Darius on a 14,000 mile/36 hour flight? And why was that flight so happy and successful? Read More...
Comments

Southern California Rain Storms stream extra shopping orchids


Naz and Arrow Orchids March 9 2018

Who said “it never rains in Southern California”? (Okay, okay! Who sang “it never rains in Southern California?&rdquoWinking. What’s stranger than stormy weather in Santa Barbara? When does “an extra 45% off of entire purchase” mean …, well… nothing? (Hint: Nazy was in Nieman-Marcus.) What attracted Arrow’s attention at the Santa Barbara Orchid show? Before answering you should know that the show had a waterfall. Read More...
Comments

Birthday paintings stream, holding hands, through Mars


arrow and Tiger in car holding hands March 2018

Has sibling rivalry vanished as Arrow and Tiger grow? Or, more reasonably, has sibling rivalry lessened as the boys grow? What toys will never be shareable? (Would Dan share his car?) Can anything go wrong when we switch from standard, overpriced (Cox) cable to modern, sleek streaming services? More to the point: can Dan figure out how to watch the Oscars after attempting to make the switch? What did Nazy produce when she resumed her painting? Read More...
Comments

Arithmetic Fingers can paint rainbows (and throw-up) shunning responsibility


Nazy and Arrow, Yellow bird Feb 2018

What can you do when a subtraction problem requires more digits than fingers? (Pretend that you’re three years old.) How would you do it if you didn’t have a calculator? (Assume simple subtraction.) How important is creativity when it comes to naming your (finger) painting? Will Arrow remember who took his red ball at music class? And, if so, what will he do about it? How much progress has been made in cleaning up the mudslide? Note: Astonishingly, Dan has something good to say about the Federal Government. (Clearly some staff members are holdovers from the previous administration.) And why did a deranged pair of doves set up a nest at our front door? Read More...
Comments

broccoli juice floats in big-brimmed, well-goggled, swimming hula hoop

mirror at music class Nov 2017


Does the dire condition, “Hat Brim Envy” afflict every member of The Martin Family? If your hat has a propellor on the top, does that qualify as a ‘cool’ brim? What plan did Dan follow that led to a goggle wearing Tiger? How many parts does a cold juicer have? Why does it matter. What is stronger: the strong nuclear force or the gritty stickiness of nanometer sized particles of spinach? Who is the family hula hoop champion? (Hint: the finalists were Tiger and Arrow.)
Read More...
Comments

17 pound jackfruit early sunset lights beach walk


dan and Nazy at beach togetther Nov 2017

Why do we ‘save daylight’ during the summer when we already have plenty of daylight? How do Dan and Nazy commiserate with East Coast friends suffering frigid temperatures? Hint: There is a nearby beach. Can the grand(est)dad turn a tour of the vegetable and fruit store into an adventure? By the way, what is a jackfruit? And how much does it weigh? Who would tell the very independent Arrow to take his pacifier out of his mouth before he (tries) to shove oatmeal into it?
Read More...
Comments

first class pole vaulter arrives in thundering illegality

dan, arrow and Tiger Sept 2017 rain


Why go to Burning Man to suffer in the heat when it’s 100 degrees right here at home? But, wait! Don’t answer yet! Rain? Thunder? In September in Santa Barbara? Isn’t that as likely as it is that Dan qualifies for the Olympic pole vaulting finals? Who tried to sneak out of Lebanon without an entry stamp on her passport? And, is a birth certificate satisfactory arrival documentation?


Read More...
Comments

hotel sleeplessness totally (~63%) eclipses wildfire battle stroller

dan and nazy at beach August 2017


What do you do if the weather forecast indicates a 67% chance that the 63% eclipsed sun will be positioned behind a thick layer of clouds? Would you conclude that you have a 100% chance of missing everything? Will you be disappointed when you discover that you weren’t the only one who saw the event? Do Eclipse Viewers make you look cool? As cool as Maui Jim sunglasses? And, by the way, does Dan still have his Maui Jim’s? Is it possible to transport two young boys on an umbrella stroller? And, if so, why would you try?
Read More...
Comments

basmati rice rescues soggy iPhone, but who is watching Arrow


dan and arrow trike July 2017

Who forgot Tiger’s swim suit — just as he began private lessons? Who turned off the pool heater — just as Tiger began private lessons? Who forgot to bring a bag of (basmati) rice to the swimming pool? And, why did it matter? Hint: Who forgot to take the iPhone out of his pocket before entering the swimming pool?) What is the exciting news associated with Emirates Air? And, who is patient about growing up? Read More...
Comments

The sun in the middle of solstice parades as Leandra sleeps


tiger and nazy at light board july 1 2017

How did marching in last year’s Solstice Parade impact decisions about this year’s festivities Hint: last year the temperature was 100℉, Melika was 8½ months pregnant, and Tiger, miffed that someone wouldn’t let him eat ‘all of the donuts’ insisted on being carried. What is a Santa Barbara cascarone? Will Dan be able to convince Microsoft that he lives in the USA? And why does it matter? Hint: He did not buy Microsoft Word from Nokia when he was working in Geneva. Why does Dan want to change Tiger’s name? And, who is excited by being allowed to sleep 4 (whole) uninterrupted hours? Find answers at The Weekly Letter. The newest issue (The sun in the middle of solstice parades as Leandra sleeps) is available directly by clicking here.
Read More...
Comments

hidden sunglasses chalk up birthday cake kindness


Mitra and Arrow at Music May 2017

How did Nazy help Dan lose (another) pair of sunglasses? Although it will be left as an exercise for the reader to decide who is ultimately to blame, decades of husband experience suggests that the vast majority of fault will lie on the masculine side of the divide. Note: In the previous sentence: strike ‘vast majority’ and replace with ‘all’. Who wants to eat “all” of Mitra’s Birthday Cake? (Hint: It’s not Mitra; she was willing to share.) How did The Martin Family get out of the ensuing conundrum? Why are there ‘always’ chalk drawings at The Old Mission on Mitra’s birthday? Read More...
Comments

software (down) grades Dan’s pretty French (or Farsi) skills

annotated May music school


Who (mindlessly) thought that accepting a software upgrade would be a good idea? How did Tiger foil Dan’s claims of linguistic superiority? And, did it replicate the victory that Mitra achieved a couple of decades earlier? On the subject of speech, is it proper to say “The baby shakes the shakers?”. What about punctuation of the previous sentence? How did a cranberry bagel (with cream cheese) and a pretty French lady feature into martial harmony?
Read More...
Comments

Glasses and bicycles foster insurance foibles and Jacaranda trees


Tiger and dan swimming no gravity April 2017

Are non-native invasive species subject to a Executive Order ban signed by the current (block) head of the executive branch? Can a tree — especially a beautiful Jacaranda Tree — be dangerous to domestic tranquility? (What about kudzu and fire ants?) Is there an “I hate eye glasses gene?” Why are we keeping Tiger away from row boats and canals? How many passion fruit does it take to balance a honeydew melon on a scale? What miracle did Dan need to perform in The Hague in order to get reimbursement from an insurance company?
Read More...
Comments

heavy, salty old ladies softens most orange bulldozer passport


Mitra, Stefan, Tiger and Arrow April 2017

Why, in a checkout queue, is Dan always behind the slowest person on the planet? And, related, why is the stupid one’s mother always pregnant? How did a 40 pound bag of salt and a 15 cent Teddy Bear impact the checkout? If you wanted to keep your PIN code secret — would you choose ‘1234’? (And, if you did, wouldn’t you be able to remember it?) Will the orange one throw a doltish executive order into Nazy’s passport renewal process? Would Tiger rather play with a toy bulldozer in a sandbox or get a haircut? And why does Arrow keeping practicing to master the world’s best face plant? Read More...
Comments

Whales crawl, BMWs talk, Arrows dance and Tigers confuse

music class yellow bird arrow April 2017


Is Coachella simply Woodstock without the rain and counterculture? How did emergency services handle the hijack of Dan’s car? Did matter that a two-year old had seized control of the panic button? How did Tiger deploy a well-placed ‘Excuse me’ in lieu of tears or a tantrum? Can Arrow find a dignified way to crawl? (Hint: dignified = do not put your knees on the ground.) Did anyone tell the whales that we were going to be watching? And, why was Arrow clowning around with percussion instruments?
Read More...
Comments

verizon’s event horizon breaks kumquats and hearts in lotusland


dan and arrow March 2017 lotusland

Who’s palate is so ‘sophisticated’ that he likes the taste of kumquats? How did Verizon’s customer ‘service’ vanish into the event horizon of a nearby black hole? (This was the Verizon Event Horizon.) Would ATT or Sprint have been better? Would you trust FedEx to deliver the heart being used for your transplant surgery? Where did we learn that Spanish Moss isn’t Spanish and isn’t Moss? Read More...
Comments

equinox blue spectacles and gray wildflowers replace granite


Tiger and Nazy at Lake March 2017

Why must the vernal equinox arrived at 3:28 Pacific Daylight Time? It’s not daylight at 3:28AM. And is it too late for Nazy to stay up or too early for Dan to get up? And why does it matter anyway? Who is wearing new blue spectacles? Hint: It is his favorite color — along with yellow. Are the fabled orange poppies blooming after epic winter rains. Or is a Heimlich Maneuver required to kickstart the flowers? And who is sporting a handlebar mustache? (Or, perhaps, a handlebar pacifier?) Finally, now that it’s been moved outside, does any life remain in the fable Martin Family dining room table? Read More...
Comments

Longer hour hand, lower weight, bigger train & (ampersand) peas


Tiger chasing Nazy March 2017

How did a simple observation about Spring (‘the days are getting longer&rdquoWinking devolve into a two-year old’s observation about time-(space) relativity? How did Dan astonish his doctor during his annual physical? (How did Dan create the illusion that he had followed his physician’s advice?) How did Dr. Bernstein regain the upper hand? Did you know that mashed peas are related to Mt. Saint Helens? How did the peas introduce volcanic concepts to 7 month-old Arrow? And who got to ride on a double-decker train? Read More...
Comments

pneumatic sponge balls pixilate potholed (potted?) celebrity


tiger at Moxi long



Can a new museum recreate exciting times from Dan’s childhood? I.e. things like doors that open themselves and a pneumatic tube apparatus that shoots colorful sponge
balls into the air? Where can you see a pixelated photo of Dan and Nazy? How did Tiger’s decisions prove that he shares genes with Nazy? (Hint: He was shopping.] And what happens when you're out celebrity spotting in LA — but the celebrity spots you… or more disappointingly, bypasses you and flirts with your friend?

Read More...
Comments