Baby
Auriane Lynn Martin rocks the stars with speedy Mom
09-04-19 08:59
Can anything make Dan change sequencing practices for The Weekly Letter? Or, more to the point, what can make Dan change sequencing practices? Where has the latest Rock Star been identified? And who made the identification. Where are the physicians (far) too slow? How will (the lovely) little girl respond to family changes? Who helped Nazy celebrate her birthday a few days early and 1200 miles from Dan? And why doesn’t the Santa Barbara Airbus pick up passengers at LAX’s Tom Bradley International Terminal? Read More...
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Home button bAby drops ZEaLously on deadLinE date
22-08-18 21:23
Will DAn’s ZEaLous pursuit of a functional iphone home button be fruitfuL? Why is Tiger at Zoo Camp? (And who rodE the blue train there?) Can Arrow Keep control if he is not the bAby? Who was comfoRtablE, relaxed and in No hurry? By the way: why was Melika visiting acupuncture clinics, chirOpractoRs offices and mediatioN studios? How did massage do the trick? (And what was that trick?) Where there any exciting arrivals in Santa Barbara last week? Hint: Think Pink.
pregnant hummingbird bests seagull in WiFi root canal move
13-08-18 20:57
What ‘feels’ longer — Melika’s pregnancy or Nazy and Dan’s house move? Is there anything Dan likes less than a root canal? Should we put sundry and knick-knacks in the same closet as miscellaneous and various? Will the WiFi ever work? (Will insulting the technician speed things up?) Are hummingbirds the appropriate response when seagulls (or crows) mistake your mailbox for an outhouse? Read More...
Rusty Mailbox fills my heart with joy and rocks my unpacked boxes
07-08-18 22:17
Does order really follow chaos? Before answering, note that the chaos was caused by a house move. And, if your answer is ‘Yes”, how long does it take? Is there a use for unpacked moving boxes? Does a ventriloquist dummy bring ‘joy to your heart’? Why should you care? Can a wonderful new home be spoiled by a rusty, dented mailbox? Where was Dan’s “WE WILL ROCK YOU” shirt hiding? Is he brave enough to wear it outdoors? Read More...
baby girl revealed at introspective solstice festival and birthday
02-07-18 22:03
How did Melika and Tom reveal the gender of their coming baby — arrival planned for mid August? Did you attend the Tomchela music and arts festival where someone tried to get NASA to spray paint the Moon with one of two colors? What happens at a pre-school graduation ceremony? Why was Tiger’s presence mandatory? What triggered Tiger’s introspective moment? And how did a turtle fountain fix the issue? What’s a HiNote Ultra and why did Dan uncover a case for it? Is a house close to the ocean more susceptible to a meteor strike? Read More...
The sun in the middle of solstice parades as Leandra sleeps
03-07-17 17:15
How did marching in last year’s Solstice Parade impact decisions about this year’s festivities Hint: last year the temperature was 100℉, Melika was 8½ months pregnant, and Tiger, miffed that someone wouldn’t let him eat ‘all of the donuts’ insisted on being carried. What is a Santa Barbara cascarone? Will Dan be able to convince Microsoft that he lives in the USA? And why does it matter? Hint: He did not buy Microsoft Word from Nokia when he was working in Geneva. Why does Dan want to change Tiger’s name? And, who is excited by being allowed to sleep 4 (whole) uninterrupted hours? Find answers at The Weekly Letter. The newest issue (The sun in the middle of solstice parades as Leandra sleeps) is available directly by clicking here.
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academic shenanigans and father’s day follies on Tiger’s tricycle
27-06-17 11:16
Pancakes or granola? Does the spousal mandate change on Father’s Day? What is going on when Nazy expresses concerns about being ‘on-time’? How is young Leandra adjusting to the new world? Or, more importantly, how are Darius and Christiane adjusting to young Leandra? What’s the deal with university politics? Surely it wasn’t that way in the good old days! What happens when Tiger notice that Arrow has been spending a lot of time on Tiger’s tricycle? (We don’t know and please don’t mention it to Tiger. Read More...
Contemporaneous accounts depict sleepless nights and birthday wonders
17-06-17 20:18
How do official documents from The Martin Family archives save the day? Or, if not completely saving the day, at least demonstrating grandfatherly wisdom? Who kept hourly and, timely, contemporaneous records of children’s sleep, eh, nocturnal, habits? Suppose it’s your birthday — number three — would you be willing to share your decorated ‘car-cake’? What do Monster (the cat), Arrow (the, almost toddling) toddler and Benji, the bluejay have in common? And, finally, who “did not have secretive relations with that country. Russia?” Read More...
understatement of the decade: a little (girl) busy right now
12-06-17 22:55
Why was Darius “a little busy” on May 31st — and, consequently unable to completely reply to Melika’s text message? Hint: Christiane was even busier. Who has more hair than Dan? (Who doesn’t?) Is it unusual for newborns to mix up day and night, or is that just a strategy for training new parents? How long does it take a Macbook Pro to empty the trash that has more than 5,000,000 files? (And how did that happen?) And, finally, forget about suspense and join me to welcome the arrival of Leandra Kinsley Martin, grandest daughter ever. Read More...
United Air flummoxed; anniversary luggage lost; tigers and arrows happy
02-08-16 16:17
Will United Airlines manage to complete a trifecta by stranding Dan in every city that connects to the Santa Barbara Airport. Hint:Will Dan ever learn to shun United Airlines? And, having seen Aladdin on Broadway, how would Dan use one of his wishes? (Hint: Think United Airlines.) Do Arrows and Tigers get along happily? Did Nazy share a (cheesecake) dessert with Dan on The Anniversary Dinner? Read More...
Arrows fly while Tigers sigh on 44th anniversary high
24-07-16 17:51
Last week a newest grandest baby arrived in Santa Barbara. Were Tom and Melika ready? How did they come up with a name? Hint: it involved the I Ching and a movie western. Has young Tiger, the oldest grand(est)son, developed a love of arrows? (Or at least one particular arrow?) Did Dan remember his wedding anniversary? (Without being reminded?) Read More...
I am asking you to have a baby, Melika. It’s been 9 Months
18-07-16 15:02
Why was Melika still pregnant after her due date passed? Or, as Tiger put it: “I am asking you, Mama, to have that baby.” Was monster (the cat) the only phlegmatic member of the waiting family? What comes to mind when the doctor says “… water broke…”? (For me, the vision included water balloons and balconies.) Did Melika (finally) take action after realizing that without movement, there would be a dearth of weekly letter material? Did the family pull together to deliver this baby or was it mainly Melika's pushing? Read More...
Blue Jay flitches iPad contraction button at hatless carriage museum
09-07-16 18:24
The beginning: Does Apple believe that any music played with a violin is ‘classical’ music? Does it count if the violin is strung with barbed wire and played with a sandpaper bow? Can Dan and Nazy train a determined blue Jay? (More descriptively, how quickly did the Jay train Dan and Nazy?) Will an iPad work if the ‘BIG BUTTON’ is broken? Who noticed that carriage wheels from the 1800’s don’t have ‘tire inflation valves’? And, finally, has anyone noticed that random and irregular contractions have begun? Read More...
greek pharaoh Korfu labors with car and vacationing doctor
03-07-16 11:21
Is Khufu a Greek Island or an Egyptian Pharaoh? And what does he (or it) have to do with Albania?) How would you feel if your obstetrician went on a two week holiday that ended on your due-date? Patient? Impressed with the confidence she has in her predictive capability? What is better than baby Motrin for baby fevers? (Hint: Tiger has his own, very clearly communicated, suggestion.) How has baby delivery changed over the past few decades? Read More...
Wildflower smeller claims sole credit for birth. Did Not! Did So!
27-02-16 22:46
How does nature compete with Matchbox and Hot Wheel cars? Hint: wild flowers are very pretty. What is the grand(est)son’s reaction to an ultrasound view of a soon to arrive sibling? Did the reaction change when they turned on the real sound? Hint: It’s squishy and loud in there.) Does he believe that “there’s a baby in Mommy’s tummy”? Does he believe that he was in Mommy’s tummy?. Has the discussion prepared him for political debates? Read More...
Super Tiger Producers West End My Gym Vermont Pope
21-02-16 09:22
Who booked his lovely spouse on (not so) EasyJet? (And why does she still remember it 10 years later?) Can the grend(est)son find time in his busy schedule for MyGym classes? (Hint: He’s having a ball.) What do you give to a horse named Piccolo? Would you change your mind if Piccolo tossed you onto your duff? Why does Dan think he can give flying lessons without an airplane? Read More...
Full Moon sailing in a dark and rainy party habitat
20-12-15 13:29
Was a sailing instructor really willing to entrust a boat to Dan for a ‘solo’? (How did he hedge his bets?) How is a home renovation project like child birth? And why did I think of that analogy? And who, in addition to Mitra and Stefan, loves to dance? Hint: see the intro photo. How well can children remember events from the distant past? I’m talking about the Grand(est)son and ‘rain’ and the first daughter and … well, you have to read about it here. Read More...
Disney lights heavy prowling tiger and happy goat
07-09-15 14:43
What is the best career for a baby that know how to say ‘No’, but has not mastered Yes’? How is the grand(est)son able to alter the Universal Gravitational constant discovered by Isaac Newton? While young Tiger be willing to pounce on a flying elephant named Dumbo? How will a youngster who’s almost first word was ‘light’ react to the Disneyland “Paint the Night” parade? Where can you find a 1959 Rambler station wagon? (And why would you care?) Finally special thanks to Yari and Joe who helped show us around Disneyland - avoiding lines and getting discounts. Read More...
Oui! Seamstress cuts talking hair in waterlogged drought
22-08-15 13:38
Who plans a proposal the day before his fiancee flies 7000+ miles away? (And is ‘plans’ the right verb?) Who writes a description of said event and forgets to convey the response? Why is Dan wary of haircuts? Who can say ‘bamboo’ while being stumped by ‘Mama’? And why have the water police surrounded The Martin Family estate in Santa Barbara? Read More...
Fiesta Courts Confetti-Strewn towering engagement
16-08-15 11:54
What is Santa Barbara’s most romantic place to propose? Will Darius find it? Will Christiane agree? Will The Martin Family turn Melika’s office into a stalker’s paradise? Does the telephone lens work after sunset? And, on different subjects: will the Grand(est)son smash a confetti-filled egg over Dan’s head? Who has the biggest hat?
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Watery first Persian word lights blue moon billionaire
02-08-15 14:45
Do some languages have intrinsically easier words? More specifically: why did the grand(est)son say the Persian word for ‘water’ before he said the English word for ‘Grandfather’? And, should Nazy gloat about this watery fact? Is it fun to hum ‘Twinkle-Twinkle Little Star’ with a baby? (Can you hear yourself hum over the din?) Who in family decided that the best way to enjoy California’s Mediterranean climate would be to move to the Mediterranean Sea? And, what is Richard Branson doing with a rubber ducky? Read More...
Beach Balls, Lost Marbles, Trampolines and the Matterhorn
18-07-15 18:43
Why did the neighbor ask Dan about a trampoline purchase? What does a giant marble table have to do with lost marbles? Why are Dan’s socks getting lighter? Who would go to Greece when the banks have no money? (Hint: An economist.) Who, when presented with a ukulele, a tambourine and a drum, chose a beach ball as his favorite musical instrument? Read More...
Table Mountain transplants paper kidney to my chair
11-07-15 14:55
Why does the surgical center think Dan should take kidney transplant medication before a laser eye treatment? If washing the car is illegal, what can possibly be done to end the California drought? Hint: The government is doing it, so it will be expensive. It also has something to do with the Pacific Ocean, mothballs and special taxes. Why does our dinning room set have 4 ‘normal’ chairs, one Captain’s chair and an Admiral’s chair? And does Nazy really want to move Mt. Fuji into our California residence? Read More...
awaiian Toyota drives to Helium-filled Jupiter on way to Moon
21-06-15 10:00
Can the family fortune be assured with Helium futures? (And what does that have to do with Zeppelins, World War I and the government?) Have Zombies invaded the family residence? Can Stefan’s Toyota make it to the moon? (And back?) Who will be doing the Hula on Jupiter? (And Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune and Pluto)? Can Dan and Nazy navigate a stroller through the asteroid belt into Earth Orbit. Read More...
Swimming, dancing, walking tiger babbles epithets at Skype
14-06-15 12:43
Can Skype bring a baby to tears? What does Dan have in common with the graduation speaker at the American University of Beirut? The grand(est)son’s dancing genes are shared by Mitra, but where did he get his babbling genes? Who gets his comeuppance - and why? And, didn’t someone, a grand(est) someone have a birthday party? Read More...
California Roots out Amsterdam canals with friendly cat
10-05-15 14:36
What medical ‘emergency’ can wait 42 years for treatment? Hint: Do the words root and canal mean anything to you? In fact, are the roots of modern dentistry found alongside the medieval canals of Amsterdam? Can Dan find a link between babysitting a 10 month old baby and being a Catholic Bishop? Finally, friendly felines (bouncy baby boys) feature for fabulously funny fotos. Read More...
telephone befriends car in taxing childcare dilemma
19-04-15 11:31
How did the family celebrate income tax day? (Hint it wasn’t by filing an income-tax return.) How do memories of his first tax audit still haunt Dan? What happens if a 10 month old baby takes a three hour nap - just before bedtime? Why would you let that happen if you were babysitting? When did Dagmar (the car’s navigation computer) begin having an affair with Nicholas (the Nokia mobile phone)? And what happened when Nicholas was replaced by Agnes, the Apple iPhone? Read More...
prowling tiger pokes words into practiced focus
15-03-15 09:32
Why does eye doctor advise go in one ear and out the other? Why is Dan relearning how to read? Is the now very mobile grand(est)son clairvoyant? Does clairvoyance imply fine motor control? Will readers be surprised by the self-destruction of a paragraph in this week’s edition of The Weekly Letter? How long does it take the high-tech international banking system to clear an international check? Read More...
baby grand(est)son uses duct tape to fix translucent eye
28-02-15 19:11
Was Dan’s surgeon really using duct tape? Why is a pirate eye patch not in the cards? Do you need two fully functional eyes in order to have adequate depth perception? How did Dan repurpose his thesis to a solve a practical problem? ’Who is “babying” the baby? (And Why?) Read More...
cupcake cups and draught conspiracy color- Correct the sunset
22-02-15 10:14
Has someone in the locker room uncovered a draught conspiracy? Do you think aliens (either illegal or extraterrestrial) are stealing water from the Lake? What do you call the little things that cupcakes are baked in? And why do babies find those things so exciting? Special sunglasses correct Dan’s color vision - but won’t work in Zurich. Why? And what does that have to do with Mitra and Vancouver. Read More...
High surf Crashes HSBC SWIFT link At Rabbit Zoo with popcorn pigeons
14-02-15 17:51
Does a ‘high surf advisory’ apply to a stroll along the beach? (And, on a related topic, can Dan and Nazy outrun a tidal wave?) What make us think that the grand(est)son is easily pleased? (Hint: His favorite zoo animal is the pigeon.) Why is HSBC, the megabuck that helps zillionaires avoid taxes, unable to handle a simple wire transfer? And, finally, what is Darius’ favorite flower color. (Hint: He, like the grand(est)son is easy to please.) Read More...
cheerios launched as weight-Lifted grandson crawls linearly
01-02-15 08:22
Who is miffed at the swimming instructor? Can Dan photograph what Nazy can only hear? (What if the sound came from Vandenberg Air Force Base?) Who likes Cheerios? And does not like half a jar of Apples and Blueberries? Why does Dan no longer need to lift weights. (At the gym?) Read More...
Thanksgiving Milk Popsicle & banana Mush miff Neighbor
30-11-14 13:47
How did the grand(est)son like his first solid food? (Would your opinion change if you knew that the ‘food’ contained rice and bananas?) And how did the banana gruel compare with a frozen milk popsicle? Can a California neighbor match the hospitality that we found in Zurich? Hint: he’s from Detroit and has the wrong name. What do the Baltic Republics have to do with Darius’ new wardrobe? Read More...
Joe’s Auto vacations on Wednesday flight to timbuktu
23-11-14 10:28
Did Nazy forget everything she learned in Switzerland? How did quantum mechanics apply to last Wednesday’s agenda? How well does a soft-bed handle on the highway? What does the new car have to do with Bob’s Tire and Battery Store? Where should Dan and Nazy plan their next vacation? (And, is Timbuktu on the way?) Read More...
early evening dino-Rooster Drives New car Mistake
15-11-14 18:42
Where can you find a teak rooster that is the same size as a Tyrannosaurs Rex? (And why would you be looking for one?) Why didn’t High School experiences (“Don’t let me friends see me in ‘the VAN’, Dad.&rdquo
influence Melika’s selection of a new motor conveyance? And, on the topic of cars, did Dan and Nazy really down-size while the grand(est)son is upsizing? Why does the government want you to believe that they create an extra hour when they move to daylight savings time?Read More...
lion King TIGER Rains over Manipulated election Dancer
01-11-14 12:16
Who chose Halloween night as the most appropriate time for the only rainstorm of the year? What is the best Halloween costume for a baby named ‘Tiger’? Does fracking in North Dakota cause drought in Southern California? Hint: It’s election season and it’s easier to against everything than it is to be for anything. Do you need to know how to walk before you learn how to dance? And why is The Martin Family automobile responsible for high invoices from AT&T? Read More...
Totally sitting Swimmer eclipses parrothead socks
18-10-14 16:40
What has Dan learned from the grand(est)son? And how did he apply the new knowledge in a realistic dental office setting? Is it possible to teach a 4 month old baby to swim? (Hint: He isn’t afraid of the ‘deep’ end because his feet don’t reach the bottom in the shallow end.) Who outgrew his swim suit while he was in the pool? And, finally, learn how Dan plans to address Nazy’s lunar eclipse concerns. Read More...
Palm Springs Eternal Boy Scout Parking proposition
05-10-14 14:07
Is it better for humanity if legislators don’t legislate? On a related topic, would anyone notice if Congress didn’t do anything?) How did Dan’s brother fill a gaping hole in Dan’s library? Is it too late for Dan to get his basket weaving merit badge? Can Nazy conquer the valet parking process in Palm Springs? And, where can you see the latest image of the grand(est)son? Read More...
Feline ice-cubes celebrate grandest iPhone Equinox
21-09-14 09:40
How does the cat react when he realizes that he’s not the top dog? How do we know that the cat is a Tango aficionado? (Hint: it has to do with a bandoneon.) Why should the autumn equinox be celebrated with a freshly baked cake? Will ice cubes work as drip irrigation technology? How did Dan get access to photographs of the iPhone7c? Read More...
Wells Fargo Studebaker delivers Contact Lens Flowers
09-08-14 11:01
How does the world’s coolest grandson look in a cowboy hat? Who would buy a clutch-less Studebaker with a hole in the floor? And why is a Studebaker carriage the key exhibit in a Santa Barbara Museum? In fact, what is a Studebaker? What country makes it most difficult to replace a contact lens? (Hint: It is not Lebanon ?) Read More...
Dancing baby tangos to last-place 5K Finish
02-08-14 20:01
Why does Darius want Dan to break an ankle? And, can you believe that the rationale was cleverly disguised as ‘good for you’? How can ‘third in your age class’ turn into (next to) last overall? What is the best age to learn to Tango? And an easy one: who is best qualified to teach Tango to a baby? Read More...
Organic Insecticide Fails on Dan’s 4th holiday Lion King
13-07-14 11:12
Do we need organic flowers? Why does Dan think insecticides should kill insects? Should fireworks technicians be surprised by falling embers? Where did the Lion sleep tonight? How does the King of the Jungle respond to a ‘suggestion’ from the lioness? Read More...
TV monopoly rains on Feline monster world record
05-07-14 13:51
How does an 18 pound cat react to losing his place as ‘top dog’? What is Dan’s foolproof plan to eliminate the California draught problem with a simple use of Applied Mathematics? (Note: Dan has a degree in Applied Mathematics from Georgia Tech.) Have you ever had to deal with the barbarians on the customer ‘service’ desk? Were your ‘helpless’ agents named Attila and Genghis? Read More...
Higgs Boson explained In painful IRS FBAR catastrophe
29-06-14 09:59
Can the Santa Barbara Solstice parade outrun continental drift? Can Dan convince his pension provider to continue payments to a dead man? (Alternatively, can Dan convince them that he is not dead?) Will Dan refrain from insulting the taxation authorities? [Of course not, he just won’t do it to their face.] Who has proved the most famous open mathematics problem (Fermat’s Last Theorem) and why hasn’t it been published? Read More...
Full moon lion king welcome for grandest baby Ever
22-06-14 08:54
How can Dan, who ‘guaranteed’ a May girl, maintain his predictive accuracy in the face of a June boy? What was the lion doing at cottage hospital on June 13, 2014? How big is the “T&M Costumes” truck? When will the new arrival outweigh the cat? And why is Dan so good with babies? Read More...
Friday the 13th Full moon accelerates Baby ArrivaL
14-06-14 18:28
Don’t want to read another issue themed: “When is this baby going to arrive?” Well, this week’s edition will meet your needs. What did gravity, the full moon, Friday the 13th, the coming summer solstice and, oh yeah, Melika have to do with the birth of the first Martin (and Adams) grandchild? Was it a boy or a girl? And, who would go orchid hunting in the midst of all this activity? All is revealed in this issue of The Weekly Letter. Read More...